blah day

Yesterday was beautiful. It was breezy and sunny and every time I went outside I could smell spring. It was so close you could taste it. I was on the truck for a 12 hour shift with a wonderful medic (who kept me calm and taught me a lot) and I didn't have any major brain fart moments all day. I actually made it thru a whole ambulance shift without feeling stupid! Yea for me!!!

Today was not beautiful. It was cold and grey. I had to put on a dress, hose and heels and go to a funeral for a family member that I didn't know. And was uncomfortable the whole time. Partly because my toes were squished to a little point in those terrible heels (which I know had to be invented by a man!) and partly because I only knew 6 other people there even though I was related to about 90% of the people in the room - and they all seemed to know me. Apparently, I look just like I did when I was "still in diapers."

Then class was weird. I was about to describe the weirdness, but that would take a whole different blog to tell it all. So just believe me that it was off. That's a perfect statement for my whole day, it was just off. Or maybe I was off. I think maybe it's that I'm having issues with where I am in life.

How is it that I've never had a problem with the age 30. I'm actually looking forward to it ~ I think it will be a good year. But 28 will arrive in a couple days and I realized tonight that I'm freaked out about it. What's that all about? I love my program at school, just found out I passed both exams so I'm still in the program. I'm actually doing really well both academically and with clinicals. So why is it that I want to spend my 28th birthday curled up in a little ball, cut off from human contact, eating ice cream and crying? Why does it feel like I'm an old maid? Why do I care?

Maybe I'm loosing my mind. Maybe I just need a good night's sleep. Maybe I need to not be turning 28 in 2 days.

Maybe tomorrow will be better.